Feeling a Bit Reflective

I remember how I felt graduating high school. I remember my dreams and hopes. 

I had lofty goals of leaving home, becoming a writer, being independent, 

and wearing high heels daily. 

Yep, that was a goal—high heels. 

I went 8 hours away from home for my first year of college. 

I cried every night of my first semester.

I was working two jobs and going to school full time. I was trying to have a life other than school as well. I felt overwhelmed and I missed home. 

The next year I moved back home to finish college at the school from which I eventually graduated. I felt like a failure because I moved back home. But, I loved my life. And, I met the love of my life. 

My goal while in college changed from that from high school some. 

I wanted to become a lifestyle journalist, instead of just a writer. 

I no longer cared about leaving home as much. 

And, as for independence… while something I value, 

I grew to learn the amazing gift that comes with learning to depend on someone who cares for you. 

It wasn’t an easy lesson to learn. And, it changed me. 

Now, six years later my goals and hopes have changed again. 

I moved across the country, but I wound up working as a bartender and relying heavily on my husband’s financial and moral support for survival. I then became a mother and stay at home mom.

My heels have been swapped out for slippers or tennis shoes most days.

Sometimes I wonder if I did my past self a disservice for not living up to my previous goals. 

My goals never included being a wife or a stay at home mother. 

Isn’t it amazing how life can change you?

Something that I never before imagined for myself, or even wanted for myself, has changed me so entirely. I don’t know what my past self—the self walking across the stage at her high school graduation; the self driving 8 hours to her first year of college; the self that cleaned her house in high heels; or the self that walked into her first day as a paid journalist—would have thought about the woman spending her day playing with her son and cooking dinner for her husband. 

I don’t know what she would have said or thought. But, I know that when I look at my son discovering himself in a mirror or smiling as I walk into his room that 

My new goals?

—Teach this amazing little boy as much as I can.

—Help him become the man of his hopes and dreams.

—Be a good wife to my wonderful, supportive husband.

—Be a writer.

—And, wear high heels as much as possible. 😉